[Current Location]: UST upstairs study rooms in the library. Shit, the desk lamp just died. I feel like I'm in prison.

[Currently Rocking]: John Legend's debut, courtesy of...actually, I don't know whose CD this is. Hmm...
-------------------

OK, so school is in overdrive. It's that mad dash, final lap of the race. Kids are getting desperate, and we are all making fast friends. My Great Wars class is going out for drinks on Saturday night. My Historiography class just exchanged contact info to swap study outlines. Lit III & World Community II kids have been swapping notes. Early Modern Europe kids have been projecting final formats.

There are a lot of cool ass peoples in my classes, come to find out. I'm a little sorry I didn't get to know many of them sooner...if for nothing else, for the free music & movies!

In Lit III, the boys have been burning each other's music all semester. John Legend belongs to one of them. Though it may be helpful to find out who exactly, those doods are frequent ditchers.

Whatever, after today's wasted trip to Soundwaves, I wouldn't feel 100% bad if I never found out. Well, I take that back...yah, I would. But Frank informed me yesterday that he spotted Jill Scott's latest in the used bin. Today, lo & behold, it was nowhere to be found. At least Soundwaves has good coffees.

Ronnie apparently has been burning pirated movies for kids - high quality movies too. He's got shit still in the theaters - Sin City, Kung Fu Hustle. He told Pricilla & me yesterday that he would have burned anything from his collection for us. Damn him!

-------------------

I've grown a fond attachment to Paolo's green hoodie.
He left it in my car over the weekend. The library is always cold. He is never seeing his hoodie again.

-------------------

Shit. I feel like shit. I realize that I only need to keep up another couple of weeks of this frantic pace, but there are times (like now) that I just want to throw my hands up and say, "Fuck it." It's been a rollercoaster ride of hope (in the form of Grad School acceptance letters & supportive friends & family), followed shortly by a dip into discouragement & despair. And that ain't emo, it's the truth.

There's just so much to do in so little time. I've worked really hard to get where I am, and in the process I've burned myself the eff out. I want to keep going. I want to see the aspirations I've so worked to realize. A big part of me wants to turn my brain off for a second, fuck my fears, fuck everyone, leave everything behind, and go off to grad school - even if that means working full time & being in debt for the rest of my life to pay it off. That part of me hates attachments, hates settling & wants it all.

But then there's another part of me that doesn't have the energy. That part of me wants to sleep for a good five years.

Jeezus, I seriously need some time w/ JC. All of this negative energy's going to weigh me down these last couple of weeks if I don't pull through.

I thought graduation was supposed to be fun?

Back ::: Forth