10:23 pm.

Ok, so here's the lowdown...on the reals reals

I've been told on many occasions that I appear to be a very together individual, a level-headed chick who's got it all figured out. These days, though, on the reals, I am one confuzzled mamma jamma. God, these are such weird times for me. I just don't know what to do with myself, how to function outside a classroom.

Nothing clinical, I'm sure... Just Normal New Grad Anxieties, I'm thinking? I get home and I really don't know what to focus on or what I should be doing. I probably shouldn't be doing this. That's for sure. I hope things get better soon.

Gawww. I have a couple of bullshit assignments due next week that I could perhaps start on. But they're so gawdamnedridiculously easy, that I know I could stand to put them off a bit...and not feel bad about it.

I mean, I have tangible goals in mind, but I'm not exactly sure how to attain them. School was such a structured environment. You knew exactly how to get from Point A to Point B. I was good at that. This whole forging your own path & pulling yourself up from your own bootstraps thing isn't as easy as I had anticipated. There are are so many possible avenues.

I get the heeby jeebies just thinking about where I should start...who I should talk to next...what my next step should be. I get scared thinking about when I should schedule my PPR exam or Content Area exam, when I should make the call to my former English teacher (now principal of the new Atascocita High School) for a possible interview, and on and on.

I should probably make more friends in high places. See, but that's the thing too. I get so scared even thinking about making more appointments and talking to people who are much older and more experienced than me, and in some cases, were my former teachers.

I guess I'm just one scared mofo. This is normal, yes? New grad anxities? Hyper-Perfectionism? Overachiever-Itis? Lack of Patience? .......Err?

I find that I alleviate my fears best when I meet them head on and pray to God that I'm headed in the right direction. That approach hasn't failed me yet. I'm totally shaking in my boots, but I think I need to focus now on giving my fears up. I need to actually schedule my steps in my planner to prevent myself from procrastination [Read: pussying out] or falling into the trap of complascency.

Kaplan or Princeton Review needs to a write a New Graduate Handbook. Eff this shit!